"I'm basically the most considerate guy you'll ever meet." Dave's standards are painfully low. Anyone basically is above him on whatever fucked up hierarchy he has in his head.

"Fuck you. I already saw my life flash before my eyes because of water. Not everyone has gills, like you do. Maybe if I were part fish, this swimming thing would go better." Dave just doesn't really want to learn. Swimming is dumb and uncool. He doesn't need to burn nor does showing off his pasty skin really ping him as attractive.